Sneezles

Just a warning: this blog is pretty much all about boogers.

When you have children, there are those small things you learn you have to do for them that you had never even thought of. I remember the slight tinge of horror I felt when the hospital sent me home with my tiny new baby and a bulb syringe. You know, to suck her mucous out of her nose.

The feeling was one of simultaneous surprise and then instant understanding. OH YEAH! One day old Camille cannot blow her nose. SOMEONE has to deal with this.

My toddler is sick with a cold, which in toddler world is like having the plague. They have such tiny noses and don’t know how to cough properly or blow their noses, so they are drowning and mucous and unable to breathe and literally kicking and screaming for hours into the night, coughing until they can’t breathe. He even gags and dry heaves randomly during the day, seemingly out of nowhere, because the feeling of being congested sets off his gag reflex. It’s awful. Poor baby. Poor me.

There are products on the market to help with this, from your typical bulb syringe to special saline nose sprays for kids, and then you have the NoseFrida.

Oh, the NoseFrida.

The NoseFrida is like when a restaurant offers something strange on the menu, like maybe they put peanut butter on a hamburger. Your first thought is: Ew. Then your second thought is: If they keep this on the menu, and other people are ordering it, then this strange combination of tastes must actually be novel in a good way. So you order it.

In this metaphor, the NoseFrida is like that – and then when you order it, it’s still gross.

The NoseFrida is a little device where you actually suck the boogers out of your child’s nose with a hose. It’s like siphoning gas. Now, there are filters and tubes and compartments so that your child’s boogers never actually make it to your own mouth. You’re only using the force of your suction to get those boogers out. But the feeling of suctioning your child’s boogers out of their nose using a hose that goes into your mouth is exactly as disgusting as it feels. You can feel the… frothiness of the whole operation.

The only reason we bought the NoseFrida is everyone swore by it. They were like, “My child really doesn’t mind it as much as the bulb syringe, and it works great!” “It’s not as gross as you think it will be!”

It’s as gross and I think it will be, and it doesn’t work that great for my children, for some reason, and my sensory sensitive children kick and scream and turn purple for it, and end up being more congested because they’re working themselves into a lather.

But then, out of nowhere, my son will sneeze. And all of our problems will be solved. Sure, there will be boogers all over his face and shirt and the coffee table, and it’s really gross. But then he can finally breathe.

So throughout this battle of following my toddler around with a siphon for his boogers, demonstrating blowing his nose and then handing him a tissue, and watching him dry heave, I often have the urge to just wave a little black pepper under his nose.

Then I thought, someone should just invent sneezing salts for kids! My kids LOVE sneezing. I mean, who doesn’t? Whenever they’re congested, just wave it under their nose and have a giant towel ready.

If you’ve made it to the end of this blog, I’d like to thank you for sticking with me and reading basically just a lot about mucous.

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